A Self-Seeking Journey Gone Rouge

I left on a journey.

A self-seeking journey to a mountaintop far above.

On the journey, I put my blind trust on something other than intuition, and I became lost.

So lost.

Instead of climbing higher and higher, I sank down into the ravines of fog and chill.

“This can’t be right.” I nervously exclaimed. “I left on this journey seeking the mountaintop. Why am I know so low and cold?”

Around the last bend, a waterfall awaited.

A waterfall: The powerful tears of the mountaintop so far out of reach above, but calling to me none-the-less.

“Your journey”, the waterfall wailed through the roar of the flow “Has only just begun.”

“This path will take you to your mountaintop but only after you scale the rocks.”

“Only after you traverse the muddy paths.”

“Only after you cross the rivers…

stumble in the darkness…

and weather the storms.”

“Only then will you see your destiny.”

With a sigh, I continued on my journey.

Tired and sad, but inspired by the beauty and power of the waterfall.

Now is not the time to lose heart.

Now is the time to set my spirit free among the mountains and hear the songs of the land.

Stride by stride.

Seeking self along the way.

Today I Thought of You: Savoring past relationships

Today I was sitting in the ocean. Back against a boulder, booty in the water, toes sticking out. I noticed how nice my pedicure looked, and I thought of you. 

Today I was sitting at an airport bar. Tv on, eyes getting tired, wishing for excitement, and I thought of you. 

Today I was hiking through the mountains. Sun in the sky, mud on my shoes, but it was quiet, and I thought of you. 

Today I rode in a Jeep. Tension high, thrill high, heart racing, and I thought of you. 

Today I danced until 2am. Feelings of being invincible, friends with smiles and blurry eyes, a remarkably heavy heart, and I thought of you. 

Today I sat at home. The smell of chicken patties and orange Gatorade in the air, charisma, yet a lack of motivation, and I thought of you. 

Today I went to the game. Sitting in the stands, loyalty of the sport, simplicity of the rules, and I thought of you. 

Today I watched tv. Not paying attention, not listening, just living in the moment, and I thought of you. 

Today I heard a Taylor Swift song. Driving in my car, windows rolled down, music turned up, and I thought of you. 

Today I felt grateful for my adventurous life, the places I’ve been, the goals I’ve accomplished, and I thought of you. 

Today I passed a pick up truck. Country music blaring, mud on its tires, passenger’s feet out the window, and I thought of you. 

Today I saw that camouflage. Dedication, pride, and a countdown to retirement, and I thought of you. 

Today I saw a beagle. It gleamed of youthfulness, yet hope, yet fear of the longing unknown. And I thought of you. 

Today I saw a social media post that made me realize that it was all an act. And for far too long. I thought of you. 

Today I spoke your name. And in far too long. I thought of you. 

Our past relationships produced growth in our spirits and our hearts. They prepared us for future hardships. They opened us to love and worth. They traumatized us. They made us laugh and roll our eyes. They hurt our hearts or made them beat wildly. They’re never thought of again or they live in our souls forever. 

Whatever the case, each and every interaction we have had with a romantic or potentially romantic partner is an opportunity to learn about ourselves. 

Take a minute to think of someone in your romantic past. Not your deepest of loves. Not your heaviest of traumas. Just someone. Someone in between. What are three small things you learned about yourself and about relationships through your time with them. 

Here is a personal example…

Today I was sitting at an airport bar. Tv on, eyes getting tired, wishing for excitement, and I thought of you.

Through you, I learned…

  • That I am not alone in my feelings. Others understand, and it’s ok to not fit inside a box.
  • Spontaneity boosts my energy even after a 24 hr travel day on no sleep, and I need someone in my life to remind me of and support that idea.
  • A shared passion can amplify a relationship from insignificant strangers to bold connections within a matter of moments.

…

Today you reached out to stroke my hair, and I looked at you with the woven gratitude of all of those who came before to prepare me for this moment.

Now it’s your turn. Take a moment. Savor. Learn and grow. Turn it into gratitude, and accept wisdom from the bold and beautiful, Ariana Grande…

Thank you, next.

My Own First Client

When did I decide to start coaching? It wasn’t a decision. It was a necessity. 

My first client was a typical case. 

As a child, she was bright, curious, and highly imaginative. 

As a teenager, she was emotional, broody, and severely romantic in thought. 

As a young adult, she was ambitious yet reckless, motivated yet doubtful, and remarkably insecure. 

Continue reading “My Own First Client”

An Open Letter to the People in my Life

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I am currently working towards a Master’s of Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

My classmates and I were given the assignment of creating a positivity portfolio in which we were to choose a positive emotion to focus on and collect pictures, poems, songs, letters, tokens, etc that are meaning for us within that particular emotion.

This activity had a deep emotional impact on me. I would like to share my reaction summary with you:Continue reading “An Open Letter to the People in my Life”

Life: Who’s Got the Map?

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We had been paddling all day. I sat in the front of the canoe, slick with sweat from exerting myself beneath the Florida sun. I was hot and tired, and where is a lady to use the bathroom while paddling in a canoe for hours around the thousand island region of Everglades National Park? I could hear my friend’s paddle splash behind me. She possessed the map and compass, humming as we navigated through the salty water.Continue reading “Life: Who’s Got the Map?”

For the Doubting Adventurer

For the Doubting Adventurer

For as long as I can remember, I longed for a sense of spontaneity and adventure. I relished in far off stories of traveling friends. I longed for wide open roads, dirt paths, beaches and mountains. “So why not go?” they would ask me. “Why not just take off?” I’d roll my eyes. I had a million reasons why I could not leave reality in the dust of my vagabond boots.  Continue reading “For the Doubting Adventurer”

Surviving the Situation

Surviving the Situation

Last week, someone asked me the following question:

Have you ever been in a situation you didn’t want to be in, but dealt with it anyway? How did it turn out?

Clad in a business suit and high heels, I sat in a corporate office, poised and confident. I had to smile as my mind flashed back to the rainy mountains of North Carolina…Continue reading “Surviving the Situation”

Searching for Meaning this New Year

Searching for Meaning

Each year, as the clock approaches midnight on December 31st, I delve through a quick mental scan of the past year.

It’s what we all do, right?

Even those of us who don’t make resolutions. Even those of us who do, but drop them a week or a month later.

We still reflect. New Years is a forced opportunity for each one of us to look in the mirror and say, “What am I doing here?”Continue reading “Searching for Meaning this New Year”

Mothers

Mothers

Don’t forget the 17-year-old Hispanic girl who came to the coast having given birth to a daughter less than one month prior. She had come to the coast with her school class to participate in an outdoor education program for a week during which she would help mentor and teach hoards of obnoxious wild 6th-graders. Her parents encouraged her to participate and essentially forced her to follow through with the commitment when she showed resistance. Leave her newborn behind?! Continue reading “Mothers”